


Treehouse

by Ellxhii



Category: Final Fantasy VII (Video Game 1997), Final Fantasy VII Remake (Video Game 2020)
Genre: All for fun, Based on a Twitter Post, Building a treehouse, Cissnei is mentioned, Crack, Elena being cute, Fluff and Crack, Fun, Funny, M/M, Minor cursing, Mostly Crack, Rufus Shinra Being An Asshole, Slight Tseng/Rufus, Smart Reno (Compilation of FFVII), The turks being idiots, minor fluff, tons of funnies haha funny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:27:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24299584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellxhii/pseuds/Ellxhii
Summary: When Rude, Reno and Elena burn down their neighbors treehouse, Tseng puts them in charge of rebuilding it. It was just a Treehouse. They could easily rebuild a treehouse,right?
Relationships: Reno & Rude (Compilation of FFVII), Reno/Rude (Compilation of FFVII), Rufus Shinra/Tseng
Comments: 2
Kudos: 35





	Treehouse

**Author's Note:**

> This is an inspired work by this lovely artist [@radi0h](https://twitter.com/radi0h/status/1262221394386882560?s=20) on twitter! If you haven't seen the original Drake&Josh episode, here is a snippet on [Youtube](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dat03LrOI58). Thank you to my lovely MantaWords for beta reading, I love you 💓! This is a funny crack fic that I had so much fun writing. I hope you all can enjoy as much as I did.

Rude and Reno were adults: fully-fledged, employed, responsible adults. They took their work seriously, took their relationship as partners seriously, and handled situations seriously. 

But sometimes,  _ just sometimes  _ , they needed a little extra fun in their lives. 

That is how they ended up crowded around their make-shift table in the backyard of their shared home with Elena, Rufus and Tseng, experimenting on a model rocket that Reno  _ totally didn’t buy with Rufus’ money  _ . 

A dysfunctional family, yes, but still a family at that. 

Rude fidgets with the toy rocket in his hands, the plastic pieces sticking together like a puzzle. “Okay, there. The counterbalance is set to zero.” He sets the toy down, the body of the rocket red and shiny. 

Reno is holding the set-up manual in his right hand, a popsicle in his other. It’s hot outside, and the burning sun melting his orange creamsicle is a constant reminder. He has his long ponytail wrapped into a bun at the top of his head so his neck can breathe, along with a loose tank top and shorts. 

Rude looks no different, his own worn down, greased up muscle tank adorning his body as well. 

“Okay. Next it says insert the fuel pod into the tail beneath the rockets…  _ fu?”  _ Reno hesitates, stumbling over the word as he tries to read it.  _ “Fu…” _

Rude coaxes him through thinned lips. “Sound it out.” 

“Fus…” Reno fumbles, “el..agie?” 

“Fuselage!” Rude grumbles, snatching the manual from Reno’s hand. The shorter of the two forces shock onto his face, and mockingly yelps out, “ _ Like I work for NASA!  _ ” 

“Just give me the fuel pod, Reno,” Rude says, gesturing towards the small cylinder tube closer to Reno’s side of the table. Reno's eyes sharpen and he snatches it up, holding it against his body and sticking his tongue out. 

He taunts Rude. “No, I want to put it on! You got to put on the nose con.” 

Rude looks at him in disbelief before badgering out, “ _ Cone _ !”

“Whatever!” Reno spits back, keeping the fuel pod close to his body. He’s about to push Rude out of the way so he can put in the pod, when the back door opens and Elena steps out into the yard, sundress and matching sun hat decorating her body.

She glances at the toy rocket, then back to Reno and Rude. “What are you two doing?” She asks, hesitation dripping in her voice. They glance back and forth between each other, fear plastered on their faces.

A smile creeps onto Elena’s lips. “Are you two  _ grown men  _ building a model rocket?” She puts her hands on her hips and watches as the color drains from their skin.

“No,” Rude stands up defensively and moves in front of the table. He crosses his arms in a failed attempt at authority. “ _ No,  _ we were just building it so we could drop it off at the…” Rude looks to Reno for help, panic flashing—somehow—across his sunglasses.

Reno immediately catches on and jumps up next to Rude. “The, uh, children's hospital.”

Rude nods straight away and repeats, “ _ The children's hospital  _ ,” as if it were obvious. This causes Elena to step even closer, the ends of her yellow sun dress floating in the slight breeze. The sun beams down on her face and she smirks.

“ _ Which  _ children’s hospital?”

“Saint…” Reno racks his brain for something to say, his hand waving circles into the air. A word finally comes to mind. “Illness...?”

Elena’s eyebrows slowly rise, and Rude sputters out in bewilderment, “Saint  _ Illness?!  _ ”

Reno holds his hands up, “okay,  _ okay.  _ We’re playing with a model rocket, yo.” 

Rude exhales in defeat, “yeah. Why don't you help us install the fuel pod?”

Reno adds a small persuasive, “please?”

Elena sighs and tells them to move as Reno hands her the fuel pod. She expertly fits it into the small space in the rocket, as if she’s done this before. The rocket seems to whistle, the stand it’s propped on shaking slightly.

“Uhm, Elena?” Reno pipes up, orange dye staining his lips and tongue from his creamsicle. He watches as Elena jams the fuel pod in, and almost instantly the rocket sputters to life and dies down again. She ignores him and keeps tinkering with it.

“Did you break it?” Rude questions as he leans down next to her. He tries to jam the fuel pod into the rocket even more when he notices it isn’t fitting properly.

Reno takes a couple steps back from the table when he detects smoke coming out of the top of the rocket. “Uh, guys…”

Rude looks up, eyes widening enough to be almost visible over the sunglasses.

Almost instantaneously, the rocket flies off, sputtering and whistling through the air. They watch as it curls in the sky with a screech before landing directly in the treehouse next door.

Rude sighs when he notices that the rocket didn’t go too far. “Well, good thing it-”

A hiss that's shortly followed by a loud boom interrupts him. They watch as the rocket explodes within the treehouse; pieces of wood start burning and falling over, the tree house crumbling right in front of their eyes.

“Oh no..” Elena mutters, the color in her face draining as she stares at the wreckage.

“We’re dead..” Reno whimpers out, “Rufus and Tseng are going to kill us.”

* * *

Later that night, when Rufus is due to be back home, the three of them sit around the dinner table; Tseng had already arrived, and he's pacing with a cold fury, disappointment evident from every measured footstep. None of them can look at anyone else.

Rufus walks into the house through the front door, his features stony.

“Are you guys  _ actual  _ children? Do we  _ actually  _ have to sit here and scold you?” Rufus chastises, folding his arms against his chest. Reno is staring at the surface of the dining table, and Rude opens his mouth before shutting it with a weak sigh.

“We feel really bad,” Reno speaks up, practiced guilt evident in his crystal eyes. Tseng just scoffs, shaking his head as he continues to walk back and forth. He stops right in front of the table and slams his hands down. 

Tseng spits out, “I'm sure you  _ do  _ . That’s why you  _ three  _ are going to help rebuild it.” 

The three of them look up, eyes wide as saucers. Their words trample over one another's as they sputter. 

“What?”

“Huh?”

“Say  _ what  _ now--!?”

Tseng gives them a look, the look that says  _ don’t test me _ , and he glares. “You heard me. Tomorrow you are  _ all  _ going to rebuild that treehouse for them.” Rufus brings a hand up to hide the smirk forming on his lips, because he can’t believe how  _ ridiculous  _ this is. He plays it off as sweeping hair from his face.

As if sensing that arguing with him will only result in  _ more  _ punishment, Rude and Reno feebly nod their heads. Elena, on the other hand, sputters in offended surprise. “I hope by the three of them, you mean Rude, Reno and Reno’s  _ imaginary friend  _ .”

Rufus huffs, his eyes landing on Elena. “No, Elena, you’re helping too. You were there, were you not?”

“But I’ll miss Cissnei’s birthday party!” Elena tries to defend herself, her brown eyes softening as she pleads with Rufus and Tseng.

The two of them are unphased, and a stifled grin makes its way onto Rufus’ face. “Looks like you should get started pretty early then, huh?”

* * *

When it's the next day, the sun graces the world with warmth from its rays. It almost seems to find its way through the atmosphere, scorching everything in its wake. Elena lays in the grass, propped up on her elbows as she scrolls through her phone. Rude is standing in the new treehouse, three walls of wood surround him as he works. It’s sometime around noon, and Rude can hear the birds chirping as they search for food. He’s got most of the work done: three of the walls are framed, the panel for the roof is installed, and he’s already cut and assembled the ladder.

He finishes hammering in a nail and looks down at Reno, who lounges in a beach chair in the yard. Rude shouts from atop the tree house, “You know, you two  _ could  _ help me!”

Reno glances up at Rude behind his own pair of shades, condensation gathering on his cup of lemonade he has sitting next to him. “You’re a big strong man,” he starts, “you got this!” Elena giggles and watches as Rude rolls his eyes at them. Reno puts his hands behind his head and closes his own eyes, soaking in the warmth from the sun.

“At least get me more nails from the garage, Elena!” Rude yells from atop the wood. Elena huffs, but gets up without further complaint and makes her way out of the backyard.

Reno peeks one eye open to watch her leave. When she's out of earshot, he hops up out of his seat. “You say that just to get alone time with me?” His words are playful, and usually Rude would entertain him, but he’s only focused on getting this damn treehouse done so he can go home.

He wipes sweat off his forehead before beckoning Reno forward. “Come up here and help me put up the fourth wall.”

Reno grimaces but follows suit, stepping on the ladder while muttering, “I  _ hate  _ doing this stuff.” Rude reaches down and grabs Reno’s hand to pull him up. He makes it into the treehouse and looks around, almost amazed at the detail Rude has put into it while he was doing  _ nothing  _ in the lounge chair. 

Reno continues to look around while asking him, “How do we put the fourth wall up?”

“Easy. I got it all set up. We just pull on this rope and it swings up into place, and then we can screw it in.” Rude makes it look easy, a utility belt around his waist, gloves covering calloused working man's hands.

Reno glances around before nodding and grabbing a hold of the rope. It’s tied up to a screw on the roof, which is attached to the wall that lay on the ground. “Okay, let's do it.” 

They count to three and pull together, the wood creaking as the wall comes to life from being lifted in the air. It’s heavy, and Reno is pretty sure if Rude were to let go, the rope would send him flying back down with the wooden wall.

Rude nods and looks at him. “Okay, hold the rope and I’ll screw the wall into place.” Reno nods and holds on, and Rude rushes to screw the nails in. When he’s got the fourth one screwed in, Reno lets go of the rope with a sigh.

“Oh man,” Reno walks up to pound on the corners, the wood echoing beneath his fists, “solid, yo.”

Rude kind of smirks, bringing his hand up to wipe the grime off his cheek. “Yeah, well,  _ 5 inch titanium screws  _ .” His fingers push up his sunglasses.

“Excellent,” Reno hums as if he cares about whatever the hell  _ titanium screws  _ are. “So, are we done?” he asks, walking around the inside of the treehouse to inspect the work that Rude had done.

Rude nods as he takes off the utility belt, and he starts making his way towards the final wall they had just put up together. “Yeah. I just have to go down and get the—”

The force of the wood slamming against his head almost knocks him off balance. His eyes widen when he realizes that the door he  _ thought  _ was there is definitely  _ not  _ , and is instead replaced by what looks like a door drawn by a child with a sharpie. Rude blinks, as if trying to wipe away what he’s seeing in front of him.

“Reno…” His voice is quiet, lips starting to form a thin line. Reno is still inspecting other parts of the treehouse, oblivious to what Rude is doing. When the shorter of the two finally looks over, he responds with a hum.

Rude kind of tilts his head, his eyebrows crunch together and he frowns. “Where’s the door hole?”

Reno looks at him as if he’s stupid. “It goes right there.” He points to the not-so-pretty drawn door, a rectangle with a small circle near the right side. “See? I drew it with a magic marker.”

“You were supposed to cut it out with the power saw.” Rude’s eye twitches.

Reno folds his arms defensively. “Dude, I’m  _ gonna _ …”

“Oh  _ really _ ?”

Reno huffs. “Yes!”

Rude steps to the side, and pushes his hand out, palm up, towards the door. “So go get the power saw.”

“Okay, I will, smart ass!” Reno walks into the wall, face first and he groans in pain. He suddenly puts his hands up against the wood as if he’s miming. Reno turns around slowly, blue eyes staring at Rude as if to quietly say,  _ don’t  _ . 

“...” 

Reno squeaks like a mouse. “...I see the problem.”

Rude throws his hands up in the air. “Oh,  _ do ya?!  _ ” 

Before Rude has a chance to strangle him, Reno sticks his head out of the one foot window that he sawed through earlier. He glances around the yard, and spots Elena walking back with a box of nails in her hand. “Elena!”

She puts his hand over her eyes to shield herself from the sun as she looks up, “what?!” 

“Hand me the power saw!” Reno points frantically to the saw sitting in the grass, the sun glistening over the silver metal. 

“Why?” She puts the boxes of nails on a nearby table. 

Reno starts getting agitated. “We’re trapped in here, I need to cut the door out!” he howls. 

Elena makes a small sound akin to a gasp, and she smiles. “Oh my god, this is the best day of my life.” 

“ _ Elena!  _ Hand me the saw!” Reno’s got half of his head out now, his shoulders banging against the corners of the opening.

She waves her hand at him. “No, I don’t think I will. You made me miss Cissnei’s birthday party, so stay stuck in there!” She starts turning around, and Reno can only sputter in disbelief.

“Wait! Where are you going?!  _ Elena  _ !” Reno practically screams as he watches her walk away.

When he brings his head back through the window and turns around to face Rude, the look on his face is pure helplessness.

“She walked away, didn’t she,” Rude states, the realization slowly settling into his brain.

Reno only nods.

“And my phone is on the table, next to yours,” Reno points to the small table he had set up next to his lounge chair, two smartphones sitting next to the glass of lemonade.

Reno tries banging on the wood to see if it would budge, but Rude reminds him that it’s  _ “premium lignum vitae—the hardest wood in the world”  _ reinforced by “  _ titanium screws  _ .”

Honestly? Reno thinks he’s making those words up. 

When hour two rolls around, the two of them try to reverse the screws with the drill, only to find out that Elena had unplugged it as soon as they had turned it on.

During hour three, they’re laying side by side, stomachs growling as they tell each other stories of how disappointed Tseng has been in them. Reno wins by a landslide, explaining how once Tseng got so mad at him he kicked him out of the car and left him on the side of the road to think about his actions.

Some time later, when the sun has set and the sky transitions to darkness in blues and purples, Rude and Reno had given up on trying to call for help.

Rude is sitting against the wall with Reno’s head in his lap. The younger man has fallen asleep, small breaths escaping his lips as he slumbers. Rude is stroking his soft red hair, and he wishes they were anywhere  _ but  _ this damned treehouse. 

His stomach grumbles, and it causes Reno to mumble groggily. 

“Sorry, hungry,” is all Rude says, and Reno nods before staring out the small treehouse window. As if on some coincidental que, a squirrel hops up over to the window, a nut in its tiny paws.

Reno’s stomach growls. 

Rude glances back from the squirrel to Reno, and shakes his head. “You will  _ not  _ eat that squirrel.”

Reno scoffs, offense written clear as day on his face. “I don’t wanna eat him.” He gets up and searches through the red tool box lying next to Rude.

Rude questions, “What then?”

“I’m gonna write a note and tie it to his tail. Maybe someone will find us and get us out of here.” 

The silence that follows is almost deafening, and Reno just keeps searching through the toolbox to look for something to write with and something to write on.

When Rude finally speaks up, his voice is full of retort. “...Yes, because when I see a squirrel, the first thing I do is check his  _ tail  _ for  _ MESSAGES  _ .” 

Reno huffs and pushes the toolbox aside. “Fine then!” He folds his arms around his chest and sits next to Rude. 

They sit like that for a while, shoulder to shoulder, as the air slowly starts to grow colder. When the temperature nips at Reno through his thin tank top, Rude puts his arm around Reno’s shoulder and brings him in closer. 

Reno rests his head on Rude’s shoulder, and he smiles as he says, “If getting stuck in a tree house was all it took for you to touch me I would’ve done this sooner.”

Rude chuckles before kissing the top of Reno’s head, and whispers through red strands. “Shut up.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this crack fic! Comments and Kudos are much appreciated! 💓💓 Come talk to me on [twitter](%E2%80%9C) if you wanna rant about R&R together uwu!


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